Faires are not all the same...

You know that all fairies are not the same. I prayed that the sock fairy would return some of the socks I had been missing. She actually showed up.

SCARED THE HELL OUT OF ME!

Buzzard

Flash 55 Friday - PTSD

Hidden among the dark forbidden corners of the mind, lay that one searing memory; the one waiting to torment at the slightest chance of weakness, vulnerability, or insecurity. Not a dream, nor even your worst nightmare; a true déjà vu experience of another time. All senses acutely aware, constantly reliving the exquisite horror of yesterday.

Described from my own experiences, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, effects thousands if not millions of veterans of all wars, and others who experience a traumatic life changing event. This illustration belongs to an article about the use of MDMA for the treatment of PTSD published in an Israel weekly magazine called Yediot Ahronot.

Friday Flash 55 is a fifty-five word story posted every Friday. To join in the fun, create and write any story you like in 55 words; no more, no less. Using this link, tell Mr. Knowitall a.k.a. the G-Man, by leaving a comment on his own Flash 55 post.

Buzzard

Cornerstone man angry with city hall...

Cornerstone Community News, Vol 1. Issue 2

Local Cornerstone Community artist and handyman Doug Looney, is in a fight with city hall, over payment for services. Mr. Looney said the issue came to a head this week after the delivery and unveiling of his latest creation for the court house square located at the county seat.

Doug, a long time chainsaw artist living here in Cornerstone, said that last fall he had been contracted by County Treasurer, Ben Dover, to create a piece of art for the court house square that would both represent the heritage of the community and also be functional to those visiting the square. After canvassing many folks visiting the square for thoughts about what was needed to enhance their experience, Mr. Looney indicated the most often received answers were about the lack of bathrooms. Doug said, that his concept was based on the idea that women prefer to use the few indoor bathrooms available on the square, where as, "men usually don't care where they go." He continued, "The County has long been known for our hardwood trees and the logging industry supporting our tax base. He said, "I really think I hit the nail on the head, when I made this piece."

Mr. Ben Dover was unavailable for comment, and his office did not return my calls about Mr. Looney's complaint before this Wednesday's publication.

The Cornerstone Community is located on the Cumberland Plateau, and although just a small community, we are proud to represent the ideology and traditions, which are the Cornerstone of life on the Cumberland Plateau.

Cornerstone Community News Wednesday, by the Buzzard

Not so easy to find...

I was wandering around, and stumbled across the sign. Finally, after all these years I found the road leading to the place they all came from. (click on picture)

I dared not chance to go any further; I figured this had to be a very large city, with all the folks I've met from there in my life. Hell, I've been asked more than a few times myself, if I was some kind of an a--hole or something. Who knows, just a visit to the place could get a person tagged for life, ruining what was once, an otherwise stellar reputation.

Buzzard

Flash 55 Friday - To the Moon and Back

I tried to apologize, but she wouldn’t have it; still angry over my little transgressions.

I pointed to the sign we had lovingly placed above the bedroom door;

“I Love You to The Moon and Back.”

So what happened, I asked?

Nothing, nothing at all, I just didn’t know you were coming back so soon!

Friday Flash 55 is a fifty-five word story posted every Friday. To join in the fun, create and write any story you like in 55 words; no more, no less. Using this link, tell Mr. Knowitall a.k.a. the G-Man, by leaving a comment on his own Flash 55 post.

Buzzard

Snow Angels...

Cornerstone Community News, Vol 1. Issue 1

The entrepreneurial spirit was revealed this winter, here in the Cornerstone Community on the Cumberland Plateau. Mr. I. C. Tallywhacker (pictured left) started his “Snow Angels” snow removal service in January. Mr. Tallywhacker said that, “business was brisk, with all the snow we have had this winter,” but indicated he has been able to keep up with business so far. He said that most of his clientele were women who seemed to appreciate his ardent commitment to the job.

Several of Mr. Tallywhacker’s admirer’s spoke about the need for occasional help within the community. Mrs. Wood spoke of how helpful Mr. Tallywhacker had been after her husband’s recent heart surgery had incapacitated him. She said I. C. just sort of took care of everything I needed; he wouldn’t even take any money for it. William and Bruce, who live together just up the street from Mrs. Wood said, “He is the first person we call when there is the slightest chance it could snow.”

Mr. Tallywhacker has plans to continue this type of service as the seasons change. He believes there might be opportunities for him as a Garden Angel, Dirt Devil, or a place for him around Thanksgiving. He said it started out as really, “no big thing,” but it has really caught on; he has already made plans to help those that decorate around Christmas and will create “Christmas Angels” to help fill those needs. Mr. Tallywhacker said; “You, just never know when inspiration will whack you right up side your head!”

Cornerstone Community News Wednesday, by the Buzzard

About my valentine...

You never know when you’re going to bump into your best friend in life. The place, the circumstances, what drew you together, what fuels that relationship over time?

I am a very lucky man; I married my best friend. It wasn’t the first time for either one of us, but it was the right time for both of us. Our story of how, when, and where we met is a great story that will wait for another time. On Valentines Day the story for me is what fuels the relationship.

So how do I begin, or how do I tell a story in a short blog format, knowing that the details would fill a book. I can’t; I won’t try. The best I can do in this space is say; here are just a few of things I most admire about my dearest valentine.

My valentine loves me unconditionally. She shares my life, my space, my bed, and most of all fills my heart with joy. She picks me up when I stumble, tends to me when I am sick, and makes me hopeful when I am down. I am so grateful that I found an intelligent, funny, sarcastic, and clever woman to inspire my life. Generous by nature, creative in spirit, my companion, wife and best friend, shines with an inner glow that spreads warmth to anyone fortunate enough to cross her path.

As this is an observational humor blog, I would like to tell you she listens. However, that’s not going to happen. She’s a red head, and as reputations go, they are a little strong willed as we all know.

This is my valentine, my best friend, my soul mate, my rock, and the love of my life.

I love you Ms Teri!

Buzzard

I'm not allowed to go to the movies alone anymore...

It’s all about group dynamics. Put some research behind the fundamentals of group dynamics, and you will find that scholarly thought defining this process as “the social, intellectual, or moral forces that produce activity and change in a given sphere.”

When I was a young manager attending meetings and seminars we learned early on that there is more to group dynamics than meets the eye. I am sure many of you have heard the theory, I am most familiar with. “For every group there is an ‘asshole’ among them, and if you look around the group and can’t find that person, then you’re it.” I know that’s a little blunt, but it holds true in most group situations.

Lately, I seem to have gotten much better at picking this special person out. I don’t know if it’s because I have been that person myself so many times before, or if I am just more intolerant of bad or rude public behavior. My migration into older age groups may have something to do with it. You know old folks seem not to hold back their thoughts. We say what’s on our mind many times, when surely it would have been better to have just shut up.

This week I started my heart rehabilitation classes scheduled three times a week MWF. It’s all about exercise, and getting your heart and lungs back to strong healthy functioning organs. On the second day, I was able to pick out the butt head quick and easy. Another patient with a big mouth, rude, likes to give orders to the nurses, and has a lot of nothing to say. I already pointed him out to my wife when she came to pick me up as he was making a scene. I looked at her and said “that’s the asshole.” Ms Teri, my lovely wife, gave me the look! You know the one your wife gives you when her expression is saying “Not again”, “Don’t you dare,” “Behave yourself.” Did you notice the capital letters at the beginning of those phrases? Yea, you know the look.

This brings me to the story of why I am not allowed to go to the movies alone anymore.

I preface this story by restating what we see and hear on the news of late; that we are becoming a society of people with rude and bad public behavior. I also want to state that I have encountered innumerable tense situations with such behavior in my 30 year career as a manager. However, I never acted upon those demonic thoughts that occurred in those moments so to speak.

The week before my heart attack, I went to the movie theater to see Avatar. I love going to the movie theater, and will go alone if there is a movie my wife is not interested in. I am a huge fan of sci-fi and action adventure movies, and really enjoy the escape of a few hours, to view a movie the way it was meant to be enjoyed and heard, on the big screen. Avatar was even in 3D! I like to sit toward the top rows when it’s a stadium seating theater. A man about my age was already sitting in the back row, in the end seat that extended a couple of seats past the next row of seating. I chose the end seat in the row in front of him. We were early, I nodded as I sat down, and the theater began to fill up. As the local advertisements were flashing on the screen the man to my rear began to rant out loud about things, the economy, the price of the tickets, the price of the refreshments, our government, our military, and on and on and on. He was loud enough that he had your attention, whether you wanted to give it to him or not. A young woman and her child sat next to him as the house filled, and all I could hear was the same complaints over and over again as the lady tried to be polite in her responses.

I looked around for an escape of some sort to another seat, but by this time the theater was about full, and I had a prime seat except for the asshole in back of me. The house lights dimmed and movie previews began, and the idiot in back of me continued to rant, as I became more and more agitated. (that word agitated doesn’t really express my true feelings here) Finally the movie starts and the loud mouth shuts up. Finally!

The movie, in my humble opinion, is great, and at this point I have thoroughly enjoyed the experience. The entire audience is standing and clapping in approval and the ASSHOLE in back of me shouts out to the world, “That’s, what’s wrong with our government today. Yeah, you can’t trust them!”

WHAT!!!!!!!!!!

Now I had not only identified the asshole in this group, but I decided it was time to call him out. I left quickly and waited just outside the theater doors inside the lobby wait area. He was one of the last to leave the theater; surely still ranting to anyone that would listen. As he proceeded up the corridor to exit the building, I stepped along side of him. Sizing him up, he and I were about a perfect match, same age, same height, same weight; you know two old fat farts. I began my introduction, by telling him that I believed in freedom of speech as well as anyone, but I didn’t think that his behavior was appropriate for people who had paid to see a movie and escape from this everyday bullshit.

His Ass Holiness then became confused, and thought that I actually wanted a response. I really didn’t want him to answer or say another word, in reality; I just wanted him to know that someone else thought his behavior was inappropriate. But, he did respond, not sure what he said, but I immediately moved to the next level reversing roles with him to become the aggressive asshole. I shouted profanity in his face, called him a piece of crap, (used other words), and I went on and on and on, trying everything in my power to get this piece of human slime to do what? I don’t know hit me? Yea, I guess that’s where I was headed, but at that moment and place, I just wanted a piece of this guy; to say you just can’t get away with bad behavior and not get called out for it.

The man was much smarter than I gave him credit for, because he scurried toward his vehicle as the crowd drew upon us, and I was calling him every profane name a man with any balls would normally respond to with some physicality. Luckily, for both of us, he left, and I found my car and drove home.

I made the mistake of relating the story to my wife. I told her she was real close to bailing me out of jail, but the other man proved to be smarter than me. She gave me the bad news about going alone to the movies.

The next week I had a heart attack. Stress is a big factor they tell me.

Buzzard